Rest as Collaborator

For so much of this work I am resting.
I am quiet. I am not doing. I am sick and so that is what the rest is for.

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“Sleep has no direction”.
I remember reading this but I don't know where.
Rest has no direction.
We often only rest until we make it to rested.
We create a direction.
To feeling rested.
We never rest in the resting.
That is where resting really lives.

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And I begin to rest in the resting.
Resting in the rested.
It is resistance.
It is rest-istance.
Not all protests are in public.
Not all protests make sound.

I don't create from excess energy.
Or places of physical energy.
I think of many things.
Can't make them. Never make them.
I imagine them many times.
Many hours.
For days and weeks and months.
I create from long ideas rested with tension and gaps and the missing and desire.
Any idea that is formed... I don’t have the energy to officially wrap up and disconnect from inside of me and let it be an object separate from me for a long time.
And rest plays in this space.
Rest can see creation and the maybe created while it is sleeping.
Looking at something with its eyes closed... not knowing it is being watched... is really seeing something raw and intimate.
And rest adds and takes away from a creation that is sleeping.
Directionless forceless foraging with ideas and thoughts and wants.
Resting creation moves as gestation.
A bed is like a river.
Forming pebbles from rocks.
Instead of me moving everything around.
I be still and it all moves around me.
I don't create from excess energy.
Or places of physical energy.