Mouth Notes

Writing is a very inside tongue.
After a couple hours of writing... my writing tongue is swollen and absorbed into my cognitive shrunken parameters of energy and communication.

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But my mind still sends ideas at me.

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For many months four years ago I couldn't write at all.
I couldn't even take short notes.
The path between my inside tongue and hands was closed.
I would go to use it but nothing could move along it.
At the same time my memory was often closed too.
There were thoughts happening that I didn't want to lose... that I felt sad about losing.
So I started to talk to myself and record it before thoughts would disappear.
I just talked. Trying to keep the disappearing thoughts essence somehow... so I could talk with them later on. I let my voice fall out over and over.

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This begun an asymmetric relationship with myself and my verbal expressions… with my thinking... with the new voices I was needing because my writing voice was not here.

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Asymmetrical because the same blurriness that blocks the writing paths blocks my memory.
In the beginning, the next day after recording a mouth note I could't remember recording them.
I feel detached from them.
I knew it was my voice and I could locate the particular acoustics of where I was in the house.
The softness of the bedroom. The echoes in the bathroom. The openness of the kitchen.
And depending on the cadence of my voice I could tell how sick I was.
But I couldn't remember being the person who recorded them.
This is a repeated uncanny sensation I experience.
I think this is why I didn't trust my mouth notes for at least a year.
If I couldn't remember the witnessing... was this disembodiminded voice a reliable narrator?
Why do I trust my hands more my ears and my mouth?
Maybe because... the written is still and stable.
The voice is moving thoughts and feelings. It is active memory.
But this active force that at first made me uncomfortable became a place of access for me.
A place of access to me.
The spatio-temporal asymmetry of mouth notes forms and opens dynamic relationships within me to myself.
So much is transferred from a mouth. From a voice. Sleepy and and croaky and rambling . Excited but losing energy; an urgency to get the thought out before the brain shuts down.
I trust so very much my ears and my mouth as much as my hands.
Most of this project is stitched together through mouth notes.

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Eighty percent of what you are reading now is from mouth notes over the past four years.
In particular I am stitching together feelings from around two years ago.
That have been waiting to talk with me.